As I blast Insecure by Jazmine Sullivan and Bryson Tiller
🎶Why you gotta' be so insecure? (So insecure, yeah)
When I did all I could do, but you be wanting more
(But you be wanting more and more and more and more and more and more)
And why you can't get up off my back?
And I can take a lot of shit, but I won't take that (but I won't take that)
No, I won't take that no more🎶
So this week was the week I actually saw my very first plus model picture in print! The 2020 Worth My Weight in Gold - Plus Size Fine calendar was released. Well I got mine is the real story. But that's neither here nor there lol! The point of this part of the story is that I was in it. I've taken many pictures but this one, done by a professional photographer...hairstylist...make up artist...I mean this was the shit! Or so I believed!
Me being me...super excited about it...asked a male counterpart if he wanted to be the first to see it with me. I mean he was sitting right there so why not? He declined..for whatever reason. Well for a reason I didn't grasp at the moment. So I opened the package and flipped the calendar seeing all the lovely plus models whom I had built a sisterhood with. They were phenomenal!! Then I get to my month. I bet you wanna know which one huh? Here's a hint....it's one of my favorite holidays of the two!! So if you know me...you can figure it out. Anyway...back to the story. I saw ME!!! ME IN PRINT!! ME DOING THE DAMN THANG! It was such a surreal moment and I loved every minute of it.
Fast forward about 40 minutes or so after the unveiling. I get a call from the male that I asked about sharing this moment with. Wellllll I'm just here to tell you the excitement that I had was NOT there. Instead it came with ridicule, body shaming and pretty much whatever else you can say to depleat my excitement. Most importantly of all the things that I saw in the picture as beautiful, artistic and phenomenal were seen as negative and a tunnel vision of negativity. Obviously I lashed out and defended my work and the beauty of it. I celebrate ME! No one...absolutely no one saw the same things he saw. And here's why...
An insecure person within themselves will always try to make you feel insecure about your securities. Guess what...that has nothing to do with you. I'm VERY secure with myself and the decisions I make in MY LIFE. Never be afraid to own the things that make you happy. You only have one life so ride that bitch until the wheels fall off. RUN TELL THAT! I've said time and time again that everybody is not cheering for you. They would rather you sit in the back of the bus quietly and speak when spoken to.
Wellllll...my mama should've told him and others that I am NOT THE QUIET TYPE! The old me would've been crying and taking those things that were said to heart. I would've been second guessing the beautiful art that I was able to display of someone else's vision because that's the girl that loved and lived to please others. Keep my being uncomfortable comfortable for them. Yeaaa see she left and will not be back.
Two things I know for sure don't mix...oil and water...a Leo woman and an insecure man. I'm bold and I'm me. I take chances and I take risks. Some that I had to learn hard lessons but most I've loved. And you thought I was insecure?
Please take several seats as one of my good sister friends would say. I promptly added...outside the stadium! At the end of the day...take that picture...love that decision....hell love you! And you thought I was insecure? #findyourhappy
LR WILSON, FOUNDER
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