We've all either been told or read some literature regarding not going back to what broke you. In some instances that is definitely good advice; however in others you may need to revisit what broke you in order to get to the healing that's needed. Trying to figure out what that is happens to be detrimental to your self care and overall enjoyment of life ahead of you.
Never in a million years would I have thought that I wouldn't be in a relationship with the man I spent damn near 30 years of my life with. I wasn't prepared for that because it never crossed my psyche that it was something that could even happen. Despite the many breakups and make ups over the years, I still never thought "oh yea we won't be together." Hell not just me but my family, friends and associates never thought it would happen either. Some even saying "y'all been together forever. I can't even believe this is real." My response about 99% of the time.."shit me either."
Getting back to the subject at hand, I had to revisit what broke me in order to figure out what my role was in everything. I had to get down and dirty in order to look at some pretty ugly shit within myself. I wasn't ready but needed to get ready for what was to come. It made me realize quite a few things.
I realized that not everybody needed to understand why I did certain things or even still do certain things. I realized that in order to be happy within myself, I needed to be happy with myself. I realized that not everyone's advice is advice that is best for me. I realized that what broke me was exactly what I needed to mend me. I realized that time "away" was time that I needed to get all of the "let me do this or that" out of my system so that when it's time for my next relationship, which by the way I have no idea what that will look like, I have nothing left to ascertain.
Most recently I had a conversation about love and I surprised myself when I said "you think this is about sex? It's deeper than that!" That statement stamped approval that I'm expecting so much more than the physical. Don't get me wrong...it definitely can be a perk...yet at the same time it can be crippling. Crippling in the sense if that's the bulk of a relationship, then the substance of things that really matter aren't at the foundation.
As with any physical affair, sex plays a prominent role. It's the passion and mysteriousness that's missing from the relationship you're in. Yep I'll just go ahead and say it for those who are clutching their perals with one hand and silently high fiving me for telling the truth with their other hand. Can your relationship survive an affair? It sure can...if the work is put in on both sides to salvage what was trashed. There has to be an understanding of what was missing in each of the person's view so they have the opportunity to provide that. Now listen, petty people will say "oh now you wanna do xyz because I told you about it!" "Uh...yea that's right because I didnt know this issue existed until you told me." Communication is key to the resolution of every situation.
Let's face it...not everyone is a good communicator or communicate on a level to which the next person understands where they are coming from. It takes work to not only understand the other person but to respond in a way that's applicable to resolving issues at hand. Not everyone will receive you or your communication which is ok. The effort put forth in doing it isn't discounted for one bit. Just know that sometimes communication is what broke you indeed what you may need to revisit.
I don't have the answers to everything; however what I do have is experience and honest self reflection. Both those things have allowed me to become a reputable Empowerment Coach and quite frankly a better person. I am not sin free and always striving to do better. Revisit what broke you in order to heal.
LR Wilson, Founder FB: Channeling Tequila page IG: @channelingtequila Web: channelingtequila.blogspot.com Email: email@example.com
Image: Kamil Witkos-Gnach